"I'm going to start quoting myself, since it seems
nodoby is going to do it for me." --July 2000,
After coming up with some great quotes and forgetting
"Holy shit! No way!" --July 2000, After being
told that somebody in Florida I've never even met has
actually quoted something I said years ago
"If `colonising' is when you put a colony on
something, what happens when you `penalise'
someone?" --August 2000, while brushing teeth
"Never trust an Irishman with his pants down."
--ca 1980, An inscription I put in a friend's birthday
card for reasons now beyond me
"The biggest problem facing software engineering is
the one it will never solve - politics." --ca 1996,
An unusually cynical moment inspired by working on a
large project beseiged by politics
"Assume nothing." --Baker's First Law of
"Don't fear the pen. When in doubt, draw a pretty
picture." --Baker's Third Law of Design
"If it's good enough to be a variable, it's good
enough to have a proper name." --Baker's Law on the
use of 'temp'
"Crapathy: when you really don't give a shit."
--Coined when discussing semantics, 22 Oct 2000
"That piece of knowledge you just gave me, that could
be the straw that broke the haystack." --Tim Dwyer,
16:17, 4 Nov 2000, while studying for the 480 exam
"I am a symptom of my brain." --13 Nov 2000,
while discussing epiphenominalism
"Why can't people replicate my advice as faithfully
and completely as my mistakes?"--1 Jan 2001, after a
On opening a bottle of wine, me: "But shouldn't we
let it breathe, darling?" Emma: "Can't we just
give it mouth-to-mouth?" -- 23:00, 3 Mar 2001
"Same old story; great technology is a necessary but
not sufficient condition for sucess. And maybe it isn't
even necessary..." -- 10:09, 16 Jul 2001, after
technology was defeated by cheaters trying to prosper
"I'm not hanging shit _on_ you - I'm hanging shit
_with_ you." -- Emma, 01:42, 19 Jan 2002,
while hanging shit on me
"I'm suffering from a severe case of
forgetfluence." -- Me, late July 2002. Can't
remember what I was talking about.
"Damn - how low is that? Being the butt of a
lawyer's joke!" -- Me, late July 2002,
discovering that lawyers make jokes about other
"I remember Nullarbor Day, when we all had to cut
down trees at school..." -- Toby, 2 Aug 2002,
on the nomenclature of our desert highways
(Note to non-Australians: the Nullarbor Highway).
"I don't buy materialism for a minute." -- Me,
12 Aug 2002, discussing epiphenominalism with Emma.
"I think you should get at least half marks if you
can actually kill someone with your documents."
-- Rod Farmer, 23 Oct 2002, while marking final year
Me: "Can you smell food?" Trevor: "F-O-O."
-- Idle office confusion, a few hours after
a discussion that mentioned the metasyntactic
variable "foo", 1 Apr 2003.
Me: "It's hard being this good!" Emma: "The hard
part is not gloating about it."
-- 21 Apr 2003.
"If you're using C++ these days, there's not much
escaping the STL - for better or warts." (Me)
-- 4 Aug 2003.
"Sometimes it's like a painting - before you know it,
there's too much blue." -- Allison, 8 May 2004.
euphonism (n): something that sounds better than it really is.
-- me, 31 Oct 2004